Ten years ago when I was eight years old, my mom often traveled for her international solo violin performances, sometimes coming home to Shanghai only once or twice a month. I and my dad whom she divorced spent a lot of time in Huangpu Park together. We would sit on the grass, and my dad would point to the clouds in the sky, saying, “Look, they look just like the Turkish shepherds!” As the sun set, he’d describe a shepherd leading his flock down a dusty path, the sheep huddled closely together, bathed in golden hues.

Sometimes he’d say, “See, that’s the ancient Chinese heavenly palace! Clouds swirled around, and celestial beings danced with silken sleeves. They painted the clouds with golden-orange edges…”
As the sun dipped below the horizon, the clouds played in the colors of the evening sky, and a warm glow caressed my face. I couldn’t help but wonder, was there music inside those clouds? What symphony were the celestial beings dancing to? And where was mom performing tonight? Would she be back to take me to see the blue whale at Ocean Park this weekend?

One day at school after my best friend Jia Jia’s trip to France, she was pushing me on the swing while admiring the clouds. She asked me, “Have you ever been on an airplane? When you fly high in the sky, you can touch the clouds. They’re soft and fluffy. If you close your eyes and touch them, maybe your dreams will come true.”

Two weeks before my 9th birthday, my seldom-seen mom took me aside and winked at me, saying, “Come with me to my final performance.” To my surprise, my protective dad conceded, however not without conflict. That night through the wall I overheard my dad’s incoherent yelling on the phone.
A week later she took me onto my first plane flight to her final solo performance in Kobe, Japan. The plane was huge, seating more than 100 passengers but our seats were next to each other by the window.
Through the window, I watched as our plane ascended slowly, the sea of clouds resembling sea foam on the edge of crescent waves, dispersing and blending with the aircraft. It felt like we had stepped into a fairy tale realm.

Everything happened so suddenly and magically. I closed my eyes and imagined myself reaching out my arm and touching the clouds. I felt their soft, moist texture, as if I were floating in a sea of clouds, basking in the ambience, gently rising and falling, like a blue whale playing in the water.
Suddenly, a beautiful melody started to play. Soft and gentle violin music resonated throughout the cabin blending “The Lark Ascending” with “Blue Danube Waltz.” They merged and mingled, slowly transforming into the spectacular “Ode to Joy.”

Spurring my mental adventure, ancient Chinese celestial beings started to dance, weaving a magnificent tapestry of golden-orange in the sky. On top of the clouds, the sunset’s glow shimmered in response, creating a series of beautiful, dreamlike scenes. In this wondrous moment, I imagined myself swirling and spinning in the ocean-like clouds along with the celestial beings, somersaulting several times, soaring to the evolving cheerful rhythm of the music.

Suddenly, a violin solo filled the cabin, bringing me back from my dream. I was astonished to find that my mom had magically produced her beloved violin, and the “Moonlight Sonata” flowed from her bow and fingers.

She looked at me with intense eyes, as if she were searching for answers on my face.
I was crying, my face puffy with tears streaking down, our eyes met with an urgent understanding. In that moment, all those times of separation disappeared, and the pain of longing vanished. In the quiet moment, the cabin filled with warm applause and joyful cheers, as if “Ode to Joy” were reaching its crescendo.

The musical dynamics rose up and down reflecting all the times my mom left and returned to me. The troughs of my life resonated with the pianissimo and the peaks with fortissimo. It felt as though my mom finally understood what I felt, finally fulfilling the seemingly incurable void within me.
My eyes welled with tears, and I threw myself into my mom’s arms. She opened her embrace and held me gently as if I were a violin bow, treating me with delicate care.

I felt myself melting, melting into layers of cloud, and the cloud gradually turned red, edged with gold…